Trip Advisor lets punters tell others about their experiences, helping people find good bars and restaurants and avoid bad ones.
The Plume of Feathers pub, in Truro, Cornwall, has over 400 positive reviews on the site. Many pub landlords would be delighted with that figure, and just crack on with pulling pints and proffering peanuts.
But Roger Cazaly, who runs the Plume of Feathers, isn’t just your average landlord.
He pays close attention to the small number of negative reviews – there are around 25 at the moment – and replies to them with brutal takedowns that will leave the reviewers thinking twice about criticising a cosy Cornish pub ever again.
Here are a few examples of Roger’s harshest social media smackdowns:
Kittyminx from Worthing wrote: “Just popped in for some food, was told they were too busy. Said we’d just have some drinks, they basically suggested that go somewhere else. Rude, arrogant.”
Roger didn’t take that lying down. He responded: “Now now Kitty, it’s not nice to call people names.
“But seeing as you’ve decided to go on the worldwide web and call me names like a little child who didn’t get what she wanted when she demanded it, let’s talk about your visit.”
He then details exactly what time Kittyminx arrived, why the pub might reasonably expected to be busy at 7pm on a half term bank holiday weekend, and what kind of person he thought Kittyminx was.
Roger signs off with: ““Now, Kittyminx, when you leave ‘reviews’ like this, it actually says more about you than the venue. Because, generally, we then go into your profile and read your other reviews and have a little chuckle.
“You use the words Rude and Arrogant with gay abandon don’t you?
“We read about when you complain that the waitress had asked you to stop your children playing on the stairs 4 times, the poor girl … or when another venue got slagged off because you weren’t allowed to move the furniture … Kitty, you had probably put [it] in front of a fire escape or something.
“Trust me Kittyminx, when it comes to rude and arrogant you might want to look a little closer to home.”
Maydair, from down the road in St Austell, also needed up on the wrong side of Roger. After complaining that no special treatment was forthcoming after they told staff that two of the party were celebrating their birthdays, they wrote: “So … tourists you are welcome to the Plume of Feathers we will not be going back!
“A little attention would have been lovely even if it was to sit in a restaurant with a table laid and flowers present! Then the bill wouldn’t have mattered! Very disappointing as we are locals!”
Oh dear. This was the wrong thing to say to Roger. After savaging Mayfair’s over-use of exclamation marks, he starts to warm up a bit: “When someone says they are a ‘local’, this is not to be confused with a ‘regular’.
“When someone enters your premises and keeps dropping ‘we’re locals, don’t you know’ into the conversation, generally, they’re not really.
“Quite often they will be from outside the county, say, somewhere like Peterborough, and they’ve just moved down very recently and immediately want all the trimmings of being a ‘local’.
“If you don’t treat them as such, even if you have never seen them ever before in your life, they will scuttle off and go on TripAdvisor.”
After checking Maydair’s’ other reviews, Roger drops the bomb: “Please tell me, what did that curry house in Peterborough do so wrong that you had to visit it seven times and slag it off every time.
“Did they not put candles on your naan bread? You should have told them you’re a local!! Hold on, Peterborough? I thought you were a local down here?”
“If you are asked to leave a premises due to your behaviour, just take it on the chin. Don’t put sad little ‘reviews’ on websites”
And if you thought these comebacks were tough, wait until you see what Roger had to say to reviewer Andy L.
After Andy said “They were rude, unhelpful and made it blatantly obvious that we were not welcome. I don’t know why her attitude was as it was, but it really spoiled what should have been a joyous celebration.
“The beer and average food was way overpriced, the toilet was filthy and stunk of urine and the interior was at best, shabby. She refused to serve any spirits because it was too early.
Roger sprang to his wife’s defence, painting a very different picture of the day:
“Wasn’t quite like this was it? You arrived en masse at 10.30am and seemed surprised that we didn’t serve alcohol before 11am. But then at 11am the drinking commenced.
“We didn’t refuse to serve spirits at all, because if you remember, when the young ladies found out that we didn’t sell Blue WKDs in our little Cornish village pub they started drinking gin and bitter lemon. They said this was ‘lush’. So don’t tell lies.
“Now, you maybe alluding to the fact that we refused to sell shots at 1.30pm. We did think it a little early and unnecessary. The younger lot seemed to agree with us and said things like ‘sound’ and ‘probably best’. But you decided to go on and on about how it’s the done thing up north.
“Seeing as you had only been drinking Carlsberg (3.8%) up to this point and your behaviour was already deteriorating at a vast rate of knots, we feel we made the right decision on not serving shots at 1.30 in the afternoon. Eventually my wife had to ask you to stop swearing loudly in the pub as other people were coming in with children. I think it’s at this point that my wife had the ‘charisma bypass’ because you then went into the loud heavy duty swearing.
“So then, instead of my wife asking, she told you to stop swearing, to which point she even had to get the poor father of the bride to ask you to leave because of your behaviour.
“You didn’t eat in the pub, so that little jibe about the food is obviously a rather pathetic attempt to make yourself feel better about your behaviour. The toilets were cleaned spotlessly in the morning and the only people that had been in the pub all day was you and your party, so I feel if there was any issues there, you may want to look a little at yourselves.
Roger concludes: “If you are asked to leave a premises due to your behaviour, just take it on the chin. Don’t put sad little ‘reviews’ on websites. It embarrasses yourself and this one has embarrassed the father of the bride … again. I believe he did ask you to remove this post, but I guess you don’t have that much respect.”
So, the Plume of Feathers. Come for the beer, stay for the absolutely wicked burns on negative reviews.